Tackling Toxic Achievement Culture in College Admissions
by Mollie O’Connor, director of client services at Bright Horizons College Coach
In a viral 2019 Washington Post parenting article, journalist Jennifer Breheny Wallace shared that students from “high-achieving schools” were now considered at a higher risk of experiencing behavioral and mental health problems compared to the average student. The reason? The excessive pressure to excel.
The article hit a nerve with parents nationwide who reached out to Wallace to share their cautionary tales of what the author calls, “the professionalization of childhood,” where every moment of a child’s life is managed to maximize their potential. Speaking with these families, many from well-resourced communities, Wallace found that those struggling the most were connecting their self-worth with their performance. These conversations became the backbone of the research in her new book, Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic–and What We Can Do About It.
As college counselors, we've observed that the rise of toxic achievement culture has gone hand in hand with a seemingly higher stakes college admissions process. With many admissions rates dropping dramatically over the past decade, students now stress over the number of APs they need to take to be competitive, and wonder what extracurriculars will help them stand out in the admissions process. They—and their parents—feel the pressure to do more and be more. Efforts that can lead to students feeling that they’re not valued for who they are, but what they do. Yet it’s not just the admissions process that is causing these societal stressors. Wallace points to research illustrating that many parents have, “absorbed social and macroeconomic conditions into our parenting.” There are seemingly fewer guarantees for the next generation, which makes parents feel they need to prepare their children for an increasingly competitive world.
Never Enough is not all doom and gloom; a key finding is that “healthy achievers”—students who have thrived despite intense pressure to excel—share a common trait: they all feel a deep sense of mattering within their home, school, or community.
Using the book as a guide, several Bright Horizons College Coach counselors recently led a six-part team workshop on teen mental health and confidence. We explored the cultural factors impacting our teens, and gave space for discussion on the role we play in fostering healthy achievement. Wallace offers plenty of practical strategies for parents and educators to address “grind” culture and encourage a sense of mattering. Many of these strategies align with our counseling approach, including:
Participating in this workshop filled me with immense pride that I work with a team who dedicates their professional development time to exploring topics that enhance our work, and positively impacts the students we support. Many families who are considering working with a private college counselor will ask, “Why College Coach?” I share that we hire the most experienced and ethical former admissions counselors and highlight our strong track record of helping students gain admission to their top-choice colleges. However, beyond our impressive resumes and outcomes, what truly sets us apart is our genuine care for each student. We put an emphasis on balance and work to make sure that students are fully present in their high school experience. We act as a trusted guide to reduce student and parental stress. We believe in helping each student to reach their full potential while at the same time, as Wallace puts it, "taking the kettle off the heat."
- Guiding students to authentically explore their interests and to find areas in their lives where they can make an impact and feel a sense of mattering. (Versus choosing activities simply to check off boxes to get into college.)
- Intentionally planning high school courses and choosing extracurriculars, being mindful about when to step on the gas and when to pump the breaks.
- Encouraging a balanced and thoughtful list of colleges to apply to that align with the student and family’s values, always encouraging personal fit.
Participating in this workshop filled me with immense pride that I work with a team who dedicates their professional development time to exploring topics that enhance our work, and positively impacts the students we support. Many families who are considering working with a private college counselor will ask, “Why College Coach?” I share that we hire the most experienced and ethical former admissions counselors and highlight our strong track record of helping students gain admission to their top-choice colleges. However, beyond our impressive resumes and outcomes, what truly sets us apart is our genuine care for each student. We put an emphasis on balance and work to make sure that students are fully present in their high school experience. We act as a trusted guide to reduce student and parental stress. We believe in helping each student to reach their full potential while at the same time, as Wallace puts it, "taking the kettle off the heat."
